11: HIPS and CREPES

My mom was visiting recently and took a photo of me which she then emailed me. I believe her intentions were benevolent but opening that jpeg file was like opening the Ark in The Raiders of the Lost Ark; I had to look away from the image or my face meat would have melted off of my bone. Due to some bizarre reverse form of Body Dismorphic Disorder (I have apparently been seeing myself as looking far more reasonable than I actually do) I had no idea what I really looked like until I saw that photo - I am an airplane hangar. Meanwhile, L has started running every morning before work - makin' me look even worse - jerk.

Aside from my massive, ever-expanding girth, the most significant affliction I am noticing at this stage (week 34 or so) is my hips perpetual dislocation. Perhaps they are not actually dislocated but they feel as though the top of my femurs (the balls of the ball joints) have become unmoored from there stations; the muscles and tendons being rocked asunder by any movement of the mass formerly familiar to me as my body.

In undoubtedly related news, I finally got to eat at L's restaurant. We drove down to San Luis Obispo (L's last trip for a while) and while he attended to various technological problems at his restaurant (Le Ciel) and a friends restaurant (Novo), I sat, read an entire book and downed a different crepe every hour or so. fantastic.

I am quite sure I'll be breaking the 200 pound barrier by the time all is said and done.

On another front - all sorts of fantastic baby junk is arriving at our doorstep. If there was a time when you tossed your kid in the yard with a couple wooden spoons and everyone was happy, that time is no more. Surely, without a fully automated, swinging, vibrating, multi-tilt position aquarium themed swing, our child would grow up to shoot a bunch of people.