THREE: The rudeness

Says this lady behind me and L in line, "Whatcha got in there!?!?"

She's all smiley and knowing and pointing to my middle section.

If you didn't already know, pregnancy is the universal 'go-ahead' to take a holiday from etiquette. I moved back, using L as a shield for fear she might reach out and try to touch my stomach or give me a pap smear.

"Whenareyoudue?" She coos. As if L and I are the babies.

"October" we say.

"October!?!? WOW. You are HUGE!!! And I mean HUGE...you are carrying HUGE!!!" she says.

"uh...yeah...I guess so...it's all muscles really. and ice cream." I say politely.

We have a midwife appointment a few days later. I tell her about the diagnosis of "huge" from the stranger. She insists I'm appropriately sized and should ignore everything anyone says to me. I like her.

TWO: the FATNESS

There are two kinds of fatness happening in my life.

The first is the fatness of the middle region.


It is due, I am told, primarily to the development of a child (whom we call "Chum"). But I have also been making my own contributions to this middle fatness in the form of large servings of L's wonderful cooking, followed by ice cream at regular intervals throughout the day. People ask me if I crave anything in particular. In between intervals of large servings of L's wonderful cooking followed by ice cream, I crave fruit.

Whatever the cause(s) of this fatness, the results are reportedly good. Aside from finally being able to embark on my career as a WWF wrestler, (I am only a few pounds lighter than L - who is 5'10" to my 5'4"), the most recent ultrasound (at about 23 weeks) revealed healthy heart structures, arms and legs in the appropriate amounts and locations, and confirmed the presence of a penis.

It's official. I can grow a penis.

In contrast to the fatness that is Chum, I had absolutely nothing to do with the other Fatness in my life:



L presented me with the above token of affection and intention a few weeks ago. Although all of his actions thus far have generally indicated an intention to make me an honest women, I did not expect this so soon and thus, was shocked. We were walking back from dinner and I let go of his hand to aid in animating a story (probably something super sexy about how much gas I have) and when I reached for him again, my hand met ring box. A quick peak inside triggered ugly cry face, only to be followed by 15 minutes of me frozen in ugly cry face. In spite of this, he did not rescind his offer and much to my grandmother's relief, we will get married at some point in the future.

good stuff.

ONE: I have a breakfast nook

Although I have a huge pile of books on pregnancy and birth and parenthood, the first book I read after moving to Northern California was a history of methamphetamine ("No Speed Limit: The Highs and Lows of Methamphetamine" by Frank Owen). Overall, not fantastically edited but lots of interesting stuff including the history of meth in this country and it's beginnings (like most dangerous, illegal, drugs) as a legalally prescribed medication for various things including the ennui of domestic life...

"Dexedrine's gentle stimulation will provide the patient with a new cheerfulness, optimism, and feeling of well-being that may again make her life seem worth living."


I've been a haus frau for over a month now and although I can imagine why someone might question life's meaning once her calendar consists of designated days to perform various cleaning, laundering, and shopping tasks (Wednesday is my dog washing day) and why, in turn, marketing methamphetamine derivatives towards a lady in this predicament would be a success...I am pleased to say that for the time being, I have found domestic life to be the bees knees without the use of drugs.

Of course it helps to be in love (which I am) and it helps to have a massive 'nesting' project (which I do) but still, I didn't imagine the transition would be so smooth.

I started by painting three rooms:



Concerned Person: What about the paint fumes affecting the baby?
Me: Community College is not only respectable, it's far more affordable.

Since painting, I have been engrossed in the slow, but fastideous process of unpacking, integrating my stuff with L's stuff and organizing...with assistance from three of my favorite companions...

And so begins the simultaneously mundane and completely exciting business of settling into life with a partner and an alleged baby - tentative arrival date: October 8.